Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
