The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
