I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
