felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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