I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
