Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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