i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
