You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
