disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
