im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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