I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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