Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
two words: eviction party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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