trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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