I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
