Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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