Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
