I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
handjob tips. give me some.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Someone signed my nipple.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
