My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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