dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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