drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
