mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
