Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
