Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
