I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
