Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
