Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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