the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
