so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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