my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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