this beer tastes like vomit already
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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