so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
