I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
