so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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