You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
