i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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