What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
