she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
