yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
