it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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