Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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