At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
