While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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