I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
