I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
