Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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