i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
