i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
