are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
