Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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