glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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