just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
