I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
