He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
